


Returns

by T Verano (t_verano)



Category: The Sentinel (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Sentinels and Guides Are Known, Community: sentinel_thurs, M/M, Sentinel Thursday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 14:42:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18853147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_verano/pseuds/T%20Verano
Summary: "Into the life of every Guide/Sentinel Administrative Center some rain must fall."Jim and Blair get caught in that rain.





	Returns

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Sentinel Thursday challenge 555: "return"

"Reason for return?" The young woman working the customer service desk sounded bored. 

The guy in line in front of Blair shrugged. "He's defective." The shrugging guy didn't sound bored but he did sound a little defensive, and Blair frowned.

So did the customer service rep. "Which sense?" she said.

"Both sight and hearing," Shrugging Guy answered. "And he's always getting stuck in zones I can't get him out of. Drives me crazy." Shrugging Guy turned his head and glared at the sentinel standing next to him, who was half-facing Blair and staring vacantly at nothing at all that Blair could see.

The customer service person sighed and muttered something that sounded like, "Something easy, just once, is that too much to ask for? I hate this job," as she started punching at her computer keyboard, annoyance clear on her face. "Okay, I'm going to need your ID and his, plus the original partner acquisition agreement both of you filled out or a notarized copy."

Blair tuned the exchange out and turned towards the man standing next to him, his own sentinel — well, his sentinel for the next five minutes or so. "I bet that guy didn't try very hard," he said under his breath. "The Epstein-Lopez method works 98.72% of the time, and if that fails, you've got Berdych's IFU to fall back on, plus the Abercromie diagnostics to figure out what's causing the problem in the first place."

James Joseph Ellison, otherwise known as Detective Ellison or Jim or — to Blair, currently, as 'my soon-to-be-Ex' — raised a sardonic eyebrow and aimed it at Shrugging Guy's back. "So why didn't he do any of that crap, if in fact he didn't do any of that crap?"

Blair grimaced. "All three protocols require intelligently targeted adaptive research along with a level of dedication, patience, and attention to detail that not everybody's willing to commit to."

"Ah," Jim said. He turned the focus of his sardonically raised eyebrow away from Shrugging Guy's back and aimed it at Blair. "Lazy, huh?"

"I am _not_ lazy," Blair muttered, shooting Jim a glare, and Jim gave him a mirthless smile in return.

"I'll give you that, Chief," he said, as if he hadn't just been silently needling Blair with his pointedly raised eyebrow. "You're a pain in the ass, but you sure as hell aren't lazy. At least not where _research_ is concerned."

Blair opened his mouth to reply — even if Jim wasn't accusing him of laziness, he was still accusing Blair of too many other things — but a female voice cut in with a "Next" before he could get any words out. He looked in front of him. Shrugging-and-Probably-Lazy Guy and his 'defective' sentinel were gone, so he stepped up to the counter, towing Jim along with him.

"Reason for return?"

Well, that was easy to answer. "He's a jerk," Blair said.

The customer service rep — Deloris, according to her nametag — frowned. "Excuse me?"

"I told you they wouldn't accept that," Jim muttered, smirking.

Blair narrowed his eyes at both Jim and Deloris. "Incompatibility, then."

"Yeah, okay, that's listed as an option."

Jim continued to smirk. "You sure you want to do this, Sandburg? You could end up with some bozo who makes you go through those Lopez-Abercrummy hoops all the time. Or worse."

"Epstein-Lopez and Abercromie," Blair said. "And you're the one who said he wanted, and I quote, 'a partner he could trust' — strongly implying that you don't trust _me,_ which is utter bullshit after everything I've —"

"You have documentation?" Deloris broke in.

"Documentation," Blair echoed. "Documentation of what?"

"Incompatibility. You've got to have documentation of incompatibility before I can accept your return."

Blair ran his hands through his hair. "Great. How do I get documentation?"

"Go to Counseling. Third door on your left down the hallway. Next!"

Counseling? For him and Jim? _Counseling?_ Now, when it was too late? Blair stood there, frozen, until the woman standing behind him in line poked him in the shoulder. "Move it," the woman snapped, "I don't have all day, and if I don't get this sorry excuse for a guide out of my hair _now_ —"

"Put a sock in it, Marjorie. It can't be soon enough for me, either," said the balding man standing next to the woman. 

Jim gave Blair's arm a tug and started them both moving towards the Returns office's doorway. He looked like he was holding back a grin. "You sure getting rid of me is worth it? You could end up with somebody like that," he said, giving a nod back towards the not-so-happy couple who'd just stepped up to the counter. Halfway to the door he paused and rubbed the side of his jaw for a moment. "Counseling, huh? You really think that's a good idea, Chief? I mean, I know you like to talk about your 'feelings' and all that crap, but you're not exactly Mr. Totally Innocent here; you're not going to come out of this smelling like a rose."

Blair scowled. "Okay, yeah, I _know_ I screwed up. I said I would do whatever it took to make it right, didn't I? And what do I get for that? Nothing, man, unless you count all this 'I don't trust you and I don't need you and I never needed you' garbage, and _I_ don't need _that._ So we're going to Counseling and getting Deloris her documentation, got it?"

He reached the door and pulled it open.

==============================

Into the life of every Guide/Sentinel Administrative Center some rain must fall. On this particular Tuesday rain was destined to fall inside the Downtown Cascade Guide/Sentinel Administrative Center at ten seventeen a.m., twelve seconds after guide Blair Sandburg stepped into the hallway outside the Returns office.

Alex Barnes was the bearer of the rain — or the rain itself, if you prefer. How the fugitive sentinel got that far into the building undetected remained a mystery until later, when the investigating authorities discovered that she'd used every known trick of mind, sense, and body to evade identification in her obsessive quest to track down guide Blair Sandburg and sentinel James Ellison.

She took Sandburg by surprise, that much is certain, as is the fact that Ellison was completely unaware of her presence and her actions until he walked out into the hallway and found her standing over the ornamental water feature in the hallway's alcove, holding Sandburg face-down in the gently recirculating water.

Bystanders later reported that half a dozen members of the center's efficient Security staff appeared just as Ellison entered the hallway and managed, with some difficulty, to subdue Barnes, while Ellison began CPR on the damp, limp, and observably lifeless body of his guide. They further reported that several minutes after all hope had clearly been lost, Ellison placed both hands on Sandburg's face and held them there for a moment, at which point Sandburg, astonishingly, came back from the dead and began to cough up water.

While most of the reported information appears to be accurate, the incident's bystanders unquestionably erred in one respect: obviously, Sandburg was — to coin a phrase — only _mostly_ dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Bystanders are notoriously poor witnesses, after all.

==============================

"We still going to Counseling?" Jim said. He was sitting on the side of Blair's hospital bed, his butt nudged up against Blair's hip. He sounded — mostly — resigned.

"Yep," Blair answered, following the word up with a cough that made Jim grimace.

He rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at the floor, clearly avoiding looking at Blair. "You still want documentation," he said flatly. 

Blair's eyebrows rose of their own accord. "You were _there,_ Jim. I know you know how I feel, and I know how _you_ feel. I know _now,_ anyway, and so do you. Don't pretend you don't."

Jim closed his eyes. "Yeah, I guess pretending won't work anymore. So, what, instead of documentation-for-incompatibility counseling, couples counseling for the soon-to-be -intimately-involved? You really want to talk about our future sex life with some lame-ass stranger?"

"Our future sex life. Funny how it takes me dying to get us to —"

"Stop right there, Chief. There's nothing funny about you dying on me."

"Yeah, I know, but if it hadn't happened, we both would've kept hanging on to how pissed off we were at each other, instead of paying attention to what was really going on."

Jim shrugged before he turned to look directly — and intensely — at Blair. "Chief. I know how you feel now, thanks to… well, you know… but I kind of need to hear you say it out loud. You mind?"

Blair smiled. Jim and his insecurities. "Nah, I don't mind." He cleared his throat and said, solemnly, "No more returns, Jim. We're stuck with each other. For good." Then he narrowed his eyes at Jim, who was now grinning at him a little goofily. "We're still going to counseling, though. You can't say we don't have issues, between your jealousy and mistrust and abandonment issues and my —"

"Stupidity? Fucked-up prioritization of academic research over friendship and common human decency? Completely idiotic —"

"Counseling," Blair interjected firmly, just before he yanked Jim's arm to pull him down for a kiss. Well, a kiss followed by three minutes of coughing, followed by the admonishing presence of a nurse, followed by the awkwardly hearty presence of Simon Banks.

"Looks like we're stuck with you," Simon said gruffly, somehow managing to look relieved, appalled, and in serious need of a cigar all at the same time, and Blair laughed. And coughed.

And smiled — at Simon, but to himself — when he heard Jim's corresponding murmur. "Yeah, stuck with you for good," Jim said, very quietly. "You got that, Chief? _For good._ "

**Author's Note:**

> Note: " …only _mostly_ dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead," is, of course, a quote from _The Princess Bride._


End file.
